


Can't feel my face

by Jsuisfarouche



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drug Use, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hospitalization, Hospitals, M/M, Self-Indulgent, and he's cute, iwachan is high
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:35:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22345693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jsuisfarouche/pseuds/Jsuisfarouche
Summary: Haijime is high after his appendix was removed.Oikawa visits him while they are both very unaware they are gay for each other.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 15
Kudos: 230





	Can't feel my face

**Author's Note:**

> This is so self-indulgent I'm not even ashamed. I miss them so much. give them back. Make them kiss. Anything really, I'm starving for Iwaoi interactions.
> 
> Say hello to me: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/tatakunara-orerumade

"Run it by me just once again? Just. Just one more time."

Iwaizumi scrunches his face like it's painful to get the explanation out again. Like he's almost pissed that he's being asked to finish his thoughts.

"What's so hard to understand? Can't fucking talk about it  _ Tooru _ "

Oikawa would never have thought that one day he would come to miss the way Hajime calls him Shittykawa or Trashkawa, but the way his actual name sounds coming out of his best friend's mouth makes him feel things that he most surely doesn't want to feel. 

"Ok. But you're not saying why"

"You very well well very well know why. Wery vell"

"I'm sorry how well?"

"I'd say very."

Here's the thing. He just came to visit Iwa-chan because he figured he would be bored and being alone in a hospital bed with nothing to do for hours on end seems a nightmare in general, but Iwaizumi is a pretty active guy, so it must be even worse for him. What he did not expect was to find his best friend high from whatever they sedated him with. He kind of wants to join in on the fun and forget how his stomach twists about what they are talking about, but he already had his appendix removed years ago unfortunately.

He sighs and stands up.

He really doesn’t like where this conversation is going, the balance upon which their whole relationship is based has been threatened to burst into flames for the past ten minutes straight, and Oikawa knows he should just move away from the subject, he knows. So why isn’t he.

Here’s the other thing. Oikawa knows that Hajime is far from stupid, especially when it comes to him. He knows he’s observant and he knows he processes what he observes way more than he lets on. He knows this because Oikawa does the same thing with him, he just knows pretty much everything about Hajime, like he knows anything about Oikawa.

It’s a two way thing.

So he knows that Hajime knows when he flirts with him. And he knows how they found this perfect balance between Oikawa pushing his flirting and Hajime pushing back and stopping him just enough to keep them going as they always did. To preserve their friendship. Hajime is perfectly aware of where is the line. Tooru knows because even when he stops him from flirting he doesn’t take shit from him the other way round either. He calls him out about being shallow and talking about girls lightly. Girls that like him and actually want to date him. Hajime understands the situation and knows how unfair it is for Oikawa to date them when he’s not into them. So when he calls Oikawa out on it, he knows why he’s being called out and he’s thankful. Hajime keeps him in check. 

It just started as a game, poking fun at his Iwa-chan just enough to make him mad. It was amusing and that was it. But the more it went on, the more Oikawa realized he was getting something else out of it, that some of the enjoyment he felt from it was not platonic anymore. But he kept going because, for one thing, he’s a selfish asshole that still wants what he can’t have, and secondly, and this is what the actual reason is, he tells himself, stopping now would be even weirder. And he wants to preserve the balance, like Iwaizumi has been doing for years now, so masterfully.

Except, at this very moment he cannot find it in himself to remember the reasons why he wanted to hold onto that sense of balance in the first place. Not when Iwaizumi is here, talking with no filters whatsoever, and with little to no consequences too, since he won’t remember a thing about what he’s saying. 

So really, Oikawa will be the only one knowing about this. Is a rule truly broken if no one’s here to remember that it was? Can it be even broken if no one actually spoke of it ever? 

Oikawa knows that he has a formidable talent at giving himself bullshit excuses when he wants to do something he shouldn’t be doing.

Because even in his high as fuck state, Iwaizumi tells him not to push it. Tells him that  _ he knows very well _ why they should not be talking about this. Tells him not to fuck their friendship up.

“Do I now? Mmh, maybe I do, maybe I don’t. What are you gonna do about it, it’s not like you’re going to remember any of this tomorrow.”

Well, Hajime should have thought this through before becoming best friends with him. He is a fuck up, that’s what he’s destined to be. 

“Look imma tell you this secret, but only because you’re my best friend in the world, alright?” Iwaizumi’s tone is softer now, and he actually leans a little toward Oikawa as if to tell him a secret.

“Alright, Iwa-chan. I’m listening.”

That is so fucking adorable. How dare he. How is it even possible for someone who’s just been through surgery be that cute?

“You are there. And I am here. And we cannot be friends when we are not in the same place.”

“Is this metaphorical or are you talking about actual..”

“Of course it’s a goddam metabo.. Menpha.. Mentaphol.. Of course it’s an example.”

“So you think we’re not in the same place.”

“We are, but then we aren’t. But then we are, but then we..” Hajime pinches the bridge of his nose in between his fingers, before continuing “Look. we can be in the same place, just let us be in the same place. But if we now talk about this, we will not be in the same place anymore, won’t we? And places are good. I like places. I don’t like this place however. I want to go home maybe. ”

Oikawa knows he’s right. How did they even get to talking about Iwaizumi’s crush in the first place? He doesn’t remember, because he just needs to know now. He’s just hopelessly attracted to the destructive force this knowledge will have on him. It’s so stupid, he knows he’s being stupid. But he really doesn’t know how to stop because he  _ needs  _ a name to hate. He  _ needs  _ a face to despise. Because if the threat has a name and a face, then it’s less scary. He can take it, isolate it, ignore it. Sure, it’s also suddenly real.

“Won’t it happen at some point anyway?”

That seems to sober up Hajime a little, because he’s now looking at him with such hurt in his eyes. And Oikawa honestly thinks that he could actually learn not to hate this person that has everything he wanted without deserving any of it, if it would make Iwaizumi not hurt as much as he is now. He can try not to be jealous and petty and mean. 

For Iwa-chan, he can try.

So Oikawa quickly adds.

“Look, I can try not to hate  _ it  _ as much.” Iwaizumi actually flinches at this “I mean, I’m pretty confident we can still be friends if we are not on the same page on this particular..  _ Thing _ ”

He tries to keep his tone neutral, but Iwaizumi knows him too well not to register the spite.

Hajime’s voice is impossibly soft when he speaks again, and he’s looking away.

“You would hate it that much?”

Oikawa shrugs, not trusting his voice anymore. Maybe if he acts blasé about it Iwaizumi will believe him. 

“I don’t get it, why do you want me to say it out loud if you dislike it.”

“I just need to put a face on it, you know.”

Hajime’s face is suddenly flushed with anger.

“Can you not do that now? What does it even mean? Is it a code for making out or something?”

Oikawa is stunned for a second, he doesn’t really know what he did wrong.

“I-I don’t know what I did”

“Fine. Whatever. Go put a face on it. See if I care. You won’t, because you will have put a face on it. So you will not see that I care, which I don’t because fuck you. Stupid idiot.”

“Iwa-chan. What are you-”

“I try to understand you, but sometimes I dislike this situation too, you know? It hurts. If I could make these fucking things I feel go away I would but I tried and I can’t and you’re my best friend, you promised you were”

Oikawa is still none the wiser about what he said that was wrong, but he clearly hurt Hajime and that is exactly what he was trying to avoid in the first place. 

Get a fucking grip, he tells himself. He forces him to actively think about not hurting his best friend anymore and relaxes his expression.

“Iwa-chan. I’m sorry. I was being an idiot, I honestly will be okay with it, eventually. And I promise I would not tell you this if I weren’t sure. Nothing will ever change, we will always be friends. I honestly, honestly promise.”

Iwaizumi studies him for a solid minute, like he’s searching for something in his expression that would betray him. But he’s actually being honest, so there’s nothing to betray.

“Fine,” apparently Iwaizumi found what he was looking for “I like you”.

“Heh” Oikawa shrugs once more “I am a pretty great friend after all.”

Iwaizumi relaxes significantly after that, even lets out a laugh. And that makes Oikawa relax too. This is something that will not be taken away from him, and he will learn for it to be enough. Iwaizumi can date whoever he wants, no one will ever be as good a friend as Oikawa is, fuck em.

With renewed confidence, he feels like he’s ready to take it. He honestly think he will not be hurt as much.

“Ok. Hit me.”

Iwaizumi looks at him like he lost his mind.

“You want me to hit you?”

“Not physically, idiot”

“I don’t understand.”

“I mean hit me. Tell me. Tell me the name of the person you like.”

Iwaizumi looks around the room, with an expression that is confused, but borders on almost fear.

“Tooru?”

“Yes?”

“I- I really don’t understand what is happening right now.” Still confused and slightly scared.

Right. Oikawa  _ is  _ stupid. Hajime is still high, and as much as he seems kind of ok it must be easy for him to get confused. A recap, then.

“Okay, don’t worry Iwa-chan. We agreed for you to tell me who do you have a crush on.”

“Y-yes?”

“Well, you still haven’t told me” Oikawa smiles encouragingly, waiting for a name. It’s starting to get a little strained, the more it goes on. He’s expecting the pain to hit him any second now, that’s not a pleasant feeling. 

“Yes I did”

“You really didn’t”

“I did too!”

Oikawa takes a deep breath. Hajime is high, he reminds himself. 

“Alright” his smile up once again. “Can you repeat it, I think I missed it.”

Iwaizumi looks at him with uncertainty, and something shifts in his expression. He puts on his scowl for when he decided to see something through. 

“I’m in love  _ with you _ .”

Oikawa’s smile falters.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Iwaizumi’s scowl deepens if it’s even possible, but he doesn’t say anything.

Oikawa lets out a breathy laugh that borders on hysterical. “I’m sorry, what the fuck is happening right the fuck now?”

“I should be asking you that.”

“I don- wha- what are you talking about Iwa-chan? This is very unfunny.”

“What are you talking about, idiot? You are the one who wanted to hear it in the first place.”

Slowly an awareness that was not there before starts seeping in Oikawa’s mind. He asked for it. And Iwa-chan gave him an answer. It’s straightforward. He should be faster to process such information, but he was prepared for his heart to be shattered, so he’s not sure how to react to the increased speed of his heartbeat. He also feels like he’s about to self combust any moment now.

“You- I- I’m talking about the g-girl you like?” Oikawa offers, trying to regain a little self control because if it’s all a misunderstanding it will now hurt a lot more.

“But I’m in love with you, tho.” Iwaizumi offers with a little more confidence than before. He must be enjoying himself, the smug bastard, Oikawa thinks.

“D- What are you blurting out all of a sudden! That’s- Can’t you just start with ‘I like you’ like a normal person?” 

“I did start with that, and you  _ missed it, _ apparently”

Oikawa’s face flushes even more. He’s evaporating he can feel it.

“Why are you so calm about this, anyway?” he half screams.

Iwaizumi honest to God stops to think about it. He’s being so suave about it all, while Oikawa is being left a stuttering blushing mess. He will think of an appropriate revenge later, possibly one that involves smashing their faces together.

“Well, you told me you would hate it so I was prepared for the worst, but you don’t act like you hate it. Wait, what were you talking about then?

“I- I- don’t see how it’s relevant anymore I mean-”

“Spit it out Asskawa”

Oikawa groans. Isn’t he embarrassed enough already?

  
“Why do you want to make me say it??”

“Look who’s talking! YOU MADE ME SAY IT FIRST!”

“FINE! I-” Oikawa looks at his feet, trying to calm his racing heart. “I thought you liked someone and didn’t want to tell me because  _ you know _ I would have been a dick about it because I li- like you.”

Oikawa doesn’t really know what to expect. He’s already got Iwaizumi to say out loud that he loves him, so there’s not much that can go wrong, right? Wrong.

“You must be fucking kidding me Oikawa, I will kill you with my bare hands. How long has this been going on and if the answer is more than two days I will see it that you will regret every decision that led you here today.”

Oikawa swallows, unsure how to proceed. Iwaizumi looks at him like he figured out something. Like he suspects something.

“Well you can’t possibly expect me to answer that, now.”

“I’m going to murder you. How long you idiot.”

“Two days minus one minute?” Oikawa offers with a shaky smile.

“How long Oikawa.”

“I don’t know Iwa-chan. How can you expect me to remember, it’s not even like something that  _ happened _ . It just gradually- You know. It was there at some point, and kept growing.”

“So you  _ were  _ flirting with me, is what you’re saying.”

Oikawa flushes once again, just when he thought he was gaining a little control again.

“Wh- I don’t see how this matters n- and how could you even be unsure about it anyway? Let’s talk about that, huh?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because when someone flirts, it’s then actually followed by something actually happening?”

“But you didn’t seem interested!”

“Well after a while I figured you weren’t really trying to and were just being your idiot self! And how did I not seem interested I flirted back plenty in the beginning!”

“That’s- Completely irrelev-” 

Oikawa tries to argue back, but without much conviction. He slowly stops talking because the reality really starts to sink in. They keep silent for a few minutes, both hit by the enormity of what just happened between them. It was such regular bickering for them that it didn’t really feel so earth shattering at that moment, but now, when the silence lets their mind run wild, it’s a whole nother story.

Iwaizumi breaks the silence first.

“You are a fucking idiot, but” he looks straight at Oikawa “I will forgive you everything. This is a free pass Oikawa, don’t fuck it up. The only thing you need to do is, first thing tomorrow when the drugs are not in my system anymore, to tell me everything. I swear to God if I wake up tomorrow and don’t remember this and you let me agonize over this even a minute more I-”

“I will! I will, I will, I promise. I swear.”

Iwaizumi nods and slides back on his bed. 

“Now let me fucking sleep, I can’t wait for tomorrow to come.” he finally,  _ finally  _ blushes a little. Fucking finally, Oikawa thinks.

“Don’t I even get a goodbye kiss?”

“Over my dead body I will risk forgetting our first kiss, get the fuck out of here.”

__

“IWA-CHAN GOOD MORNING I BRING GOOD NEWS” Oikawa is in his room not even 30 seconds after visiting hours began. 

Iwaizumi barely looks up from his phone.

“Ugh, why are you always so loud. Shut up already.”

“I promise these are news you will want to hear Hajime. It's about  _ your crush"  _ he grins a satisfied smile in Iwaizumi's direction.

"Huh? Did Kaeko-san ask about me?" Hajime looks up from his phone like he's really surprised that that would happen.

Oikawa's smile falters.

He knows Kaeko-san is cute and very friendly with Iwaizumi. Too friendly, he would say.

He also knows he threw a fit a couple of weeks before just because Hajime walked her home after school one afternoon.

And he knows the man in front of him too well. He also refuses to give up now that he spent a whole 12 hours thinking about kissing Hajime. So he walks up to Iwaizumi and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Hajime" he looks him dead in the eyes, with his best encouraging-but-also-terrifying expression. "I will give you a grand total of ten seconds to confirm that you actually didn't forget about yesterday and admit that this joke isn't fucking funny. After that I don't really think you want to know what might happen to either  _ Kae-chan"  _ Oikawa spits out the name as if it was an insult. "Or anyone that approaches you ever again"

He vaguely registers a hand snaking behind his neck and being pulled forward, before he's kissing Hajime and everything else is forgotten. They break apart too soon for his liking.

"You're kind of hot when you're angry" Hajime smirks.

"Don't." Oikawa bites back embarrassed, and pushes forward again, reclaiming Iwaizumi's lips for himself.

It still feels earth shattering only when he's alone with himself, however. Because when he's with Iwa-chan, everything feels like it was always supposed to be. They fit together so naturally, it seems absurd now, to think that they ever had doubts about each other in the past. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
